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''Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.'' By Joe Theismann, Former quarterback |
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''Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.'' By Edgar Bergen, (Charlie McCarthy), US comedian & ventriloquist (1903 - 1978) |
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''I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.'' By Jackie Mason, US comedian (1934 - ) |
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''Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.'' By Elbert Hubbard, US author (1856 - 1915) |
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''When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.'' By Hermann Hesse, Swiss (German-born) author (1877 - 1962) |
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''Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.'' By Ann Landers, US advice columnist (1918 - 2002) |
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''I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.'' By Richard Diran |
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''I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.'' By Adrienne E. Gusoff, US teacher, humorist and greeting card writer |
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''My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.'' By Rita Rudner, US comedian |
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''When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.'' By Henny Youngman, US (English-born) comedian (1906 - 1998) |
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''We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.'' By Jeff Marder |
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''The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.'' By Katharine Whitehorn |
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''The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.'' By Jay Leno, US comedian & television host (1950 - ) |
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''There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.'' By Douglas Adams, English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 - 2001) |
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''Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought, particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.'' By Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - ) |
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''The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.'' By Jane Wagner |
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''Anyone who says businessmen deal in facts, not fiction, has never read old five-year projections.'' By Malcom Forbes |
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''To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.'' By Joan Klempner |
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''The city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo.'' By Desmond Morris |
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''The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.'' By Mark Russell, US comedian, political commentator, & satirist (1932 - ) |
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