- Jules Feiffer

"I used to think I was poor.
Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was needy.
Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy.
I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged)
Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged.
I still don't have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary."

- Anonymous

"Used to be that my true love brought me chocolate. Now my true love IS chocolate."

- Richard Bach

"Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you're alive, it isn't".

- Demetri Martin

"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack".

- George Bernard Shaw

"Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned".

- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names".

- Homer Simpson

"English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England".

- Bertrand Russell

"A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand".

- Wayne Gretzky

"100% of the shots you don't take don't go in".

- Joseph Heller

"He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt".